Judge Not

I find it interesting that the people who have inflicted the most pain in my life were supposed "Christians". It astounds me that people who are supposedly under the control of the Holy Spirit are even capable of being as judgemental, self-centered, and disrespectful as they are. It is no wonder that Christians have a bad rap. It's funny that people think they even have the right to judge others, because outside a court of law, they don't. God warns us not to, telling us that we will reap what we sew, but people don't listen. It makes them feel good to look at someone else and point out everything that's "wrong" with him or her (and subsequently everything that's "right" with them.)

" ...but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Phillipians 2:3

"You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things." Romans 2:1

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7:1 & 2

"Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone." John 8:7

I Don't Want To Work!

In high school I wanted to be a superstar. In college I wanted to be a wife and a mother. I still wouldn't mind being a superstar and I definitely want to get married and have a family, but I'm starting to think it might not be in the cards. Being rich and famous is overrated and from the looks of it, a fast-track to self-destruction. As far as marriage and kids go, I just don't know if it's part of the master plan. People try to reassure me that God has someone for me, but inside I'm thinking, "How do YOU know? How can can you KNOW what His plan is?". I think if I was born several decades ago my chances of having the kind of life I've always envisioned for myself would be greatly increased. I want the "Leave it to Beaver" life, but it seems so unrealistic now. Yeah, yeah, I know even back then it was a little too picture perfect, but you know what I mean.

I'm all about being all that you can be- intellectually, academically, professionally. But I feel like it's un-PC for me to say what I'm really thinking: I DON'T WANT TO WORK!!! I don't want a "job". I want to be a stay-at-home wife and mom. SO WHAT if I can vote?!?! SO WHAT if I can do (most everything) a man can do?! It means nothing to me if it's not my choice, and having to go out and get a job in order to survive because our society and culture have evolved in that direction is CRAP. I think of the Women's Lib movement and it makes me cringe. I want to ask these women who so gladly chunked their bras into the fire, was it really worth it? It's 2009 and women still earn .75 to the man's $1. It's no longer understood that men always get the door for ladies. Hey girls, listen up- men used to get the door for women not because men viewed them as incompetant and weak, but because they were seen as SPECIAL! Everything that was meant to be a compliment was distorted into some sort of insult. Let's face it- women have had a self-worth issue that no doubt dates back to when Eve took that first bite of forbidden fruit and were subsequently made subservient to men as punishement. Ever since then they've been convinced that only way to feel like their contributions to the world were worthwhile and appreciated was to be like men. STUPID!!! Regardless of what I do, as long as I do it as if I was doing it for the Lord and not for man, my work is worth something. So whether I'm the CEO of a company or changing diapers, my work is valuable. Of course the world doesn't see it that way, but WHO CARES?! The world is stupid, corrupt, and Satan's domain, so anything that comes from the world is false.

I'm not just angry at women. Men have played a big role in the progression of events that have led up to this point. If men had taken the time to step back, look at everything that women were doing in the home, realized just how important and crucial their mother's and wive's roles were in terms of insuring the success of their family's development and overall well being, and then TOLD these women how much they appreciated everything they did, woment wouldn't have felt the need to stray from their roles as wives and mothers to receive the credit they felt they deserved. Women were simply seeking satisfation and acknowledgement for a "job well done". Why couldn't the men give them that? I hate that "man's work" was considered important and "woman's work" was viewed as non-consequential and even dispensable. Tell me this, what good is a man's job when his home/family have disintegrated?

I realize it's not like the government has passed a law banning women from getting married and starting families. It just seems like it's so much harder now. I wish I lived in a time where it was still understood that men and women got married, settled down, and started a family. Why? Obviously because I think my chances of doing just that would be alot higher than they are now. I feel like it's so hard to a find a decent guy anymore... One that doesn't expect sex. One that actually wants to take care of his wife. One that's not a half-ass Christian (is it ok to use "ass" and "Christian" in the same sentence?).

Alot of these feelings have surfaced since moving to San Marcos for grad school. This year has been a roller coaster to say the least. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I was very much career- focused and concerned with my future. I was excited about school, learning new things, making new friends, discovering new opportunities, exploring new possibilities, and taking another step towards my destiny and and reaching my full potential. But in the middle of the process of packing, moving, and getting settled in my new place, something snapped inside my head and all of the sudden I was right back where I was year ago and the same place I've been since 2004. I was filled with resentment towards everything that, up to that point, I had been looking forward to for over 6 months. I don't why or where it came from, but I have a feeling the Enemy had something to do with it. He's been studying me, he knows me, he knows my heart's desires, and he knows how to get under my skin. Jerk.

Well, that's all for now. I just needed to get all that off my chest. It's been weighing me down for a couple of weeks now.

Passive vs. Proactive

Pastor Fred told us at church this morning that one of the main reasons we need to keep our noses in our Bibles is because "the devil will try to beat you down." His words resonated in my head for a few moments... Beat down. If I had to describe the way I've felt over the last six months, that would be it. I've known all along that a big part of why I've had such a rough go of it lately is due to full-on spiritual attack. The reason why I say it's part of the reason and not the only reason is because the enemy hasn't exactly been alone in his efforts. I've done my part to help him. Not consciously by any means, but still -time when I could have been praying, reading Scripture, seeking out a new church- I was choosing to be passive instead of proactive.

A while back my friend Micah told me there were three things that God will not do, and the one that's stuck with me is that He will not do what He's asked us to do. Whoa. That's heavy. Did you hear that? He will do what we're supposed to do, i.e. He will not fight our battles for us. He'll give us the equipment we need, but He's not going to come down here and do what He put us here to do. Think about it- if He had to do that, then why bother with us??? (Sometimes- OK... MOST of the time I wonder why DID he bother with us, but that's a whole other blog...)

Troops in the military are issued equipment and spend countless hours in training in order to ensure that they are able to carry out their duties safely and effectively. Can you imagine how dumb it would be for a new soldier to blow off basic training because he just didn't feel like going? As soon as the bombs went off, his @$$ would be grass. He'd be running around frantically not knowing what to do, where to go, how to put on his safety equipment or use his weapon. It's funny to think about, absurd really, but that is how so many Christians are. We are being attacked, but instead of fighting back, we run around crying, not knowing what the heck is going on, when we need to be in the Word, in church, in fellowship, in the Spirit, and wearing the full armor of God.

It's easier said than done, but as much as I hate to admit, this life isn't supposed to be easy. If it was, then Jesus wouldn't have had to go to the cross. As much as I'd like to concern myself with things that don't matter, like money, what kind of car I drive and how nice a house I live in, and spend my time in working out, tanning, and getting my hair and nails done, there's more important stuff to worry about then me, myself, and I. Those things are fine, but my life has to be about more because His life was about more. His life was about me. So shouldn't my life be about Him?

On a lighter note, tomorrow is the first day of summer for me! (a.k.a. I don't have to go to work tomorrow.) I'm totally stoked! What's on the agenda? Hair appointment, tanning, gym, manicure/pedicure (maybe), and shopping for the following: laptop, bicycle, bedding, running shoes, books for summer reading. I'm pretty much going to do all the things I needed to do but couldn't because I was always at work.

Peace!

No Job, No Horse, No Problem

I've pretty much made up my mind that I want to teach elementary school. Now it's just a matter of getting certified. I've found several certification programs that I'm interested in and have sent in applications. But I'm thinking that if I had to choose, I would do the Women's Program at Denton Bible Church this year and begin my teaching certification next year. I don't like putting it off another year, but I really think that this is an ideal time for me to enroll in the program at DBC because of where I'm at in my life personally, career-wise, and most important, spiritually. We'll see what happens...

Tomorrow I say goodbye to one of my best friends, Gus. He's a five year old gelding paint horse and I love him with all of my heart. I can't go into detail as to the events that led this situation, but I will say that I am completely and utterly heartbroken.